Vad är du för typ av person? (skriv vid raderna i dina papper)

Jag är… del 1 Jag är en person som… Jag är en person som inte… Det jag gillar bäst med mig själv är… Det jag gillar minst med mig själv är… 3

Jag är… del 2 Jag har blivit hjälpt av att andra genom att… Jag har fått problem för att andra… Jag är en person som är bra på… Jag är en person som är dålig på… 3

Varning: Vår hjärna/intellekt kommer inte att gilla detta När vi tar berättelserna om oss själva som bokstavligen sanna så bevakar, skyddar och försvarar vi dem MED VÅRA LIV Vi arbetar hela tiden på att bygga vår värld på ett sätt som bekräftar de etiketter vi sätter på oss själva som sanningen.

Have you ever watched a documentary of Africa?

Another documentary of Africa.

Din hjärna/intellektet, dokumentärfilmsregissören 150 000 timmar film av DIG (om du är 17 år) Dina tankar, känslor, relationer, minnen och upplevelser. Sammanfattade till en 5-minuters berättelse Koncentreras ner till… Några vanliga ord för att beskriva dig En välanvänd berättelse om varför du är som du är

Dokumentärfilmen om dig Nu ska vi kolla på dokumentärfilmen om dig. Slut ögonen, och se berättelsen om dig för ditt inre, i medvetande. Fundera på hur du ska presentera dig på en minut för en partner (ska vara sanning). Vad vill du berätta för en främling om dig själv? Vänd dig till en partner och berätta om dig själv i en minut… Byt när jag säger till. Reflektera över vad du berättade, och vad du valde att inte berätta! Okay, we’re going to do a little exercise where we watch our own documentary filmmakers (our minds) in action. Split up into groups of two, preferably someone you haven’t worked with yet. To begin with, close your eyes and think about all the things you wrote about in the writing exercise we just did. What kind of person are you? What has your life been like? How did you get to be the person you are today? Now turn to your partner and for one minute tell them about yourself. You can say anything you like, as long as it is true. You also don’t have to say everything. You only get one minute, so think about what you want this stranger to know about you that will fit into a one-minute description. The other person’s job is just to listen, like an audience member, not to ask questions. Now switch. Notice what kinds of things you told your partner. Notice what kinds of things you DIDN’T tell them. How did you choose what to edit out? What did you emphasize and highlight?

Dokumentärfilmen om dig - version 2 En helt annan en-minut-dokumentär Använd helt andra fakta denna gång, Fortfarande sanning – det är en dokumentär Välj andra scener Klipp ihop det på ett annat sätt Now turn to your partner and do the exact same thing: tell them about yourself for 1 minute. This time, I want you tell a completely different description about yourself. So much so that your partner wouldn’t even know you were describing the same person. Everything has to be true! Don’t make anything up, just tell a different true story about who you are. Now switch. DEBRIEF: Could you do it? Could you tell a completely different autobiographical story? All true facts describing the same you, but scenes selected and cut by a different editor? Was there a difference between your first and second versions of your character? What was it like to think about yourself in this second way? As the audience member, was anyone surprised by the difference between their partner’s first and second stories? That this ONE person in front of you could have so many different (and maybe even opposite?) characteristics? This time you were probably aware that you were choosing facts (doing some editing) but less aware that you are telling a story. Every time we tell someone about ourselves or our lives, we select certain scenes (memories) and weave them together into a story that makes sense. We do the same thing when we’re talking to ourselves, by the way, but we’ll get to that more a bit later. Let’s try this again and see if we can catch the story-telling aspects of our minds this time.

Dokumentärfilmen om dig - version 3 “Hur jag blev den jag är” Lägg till en minut till din dokumentärfilm. Väv in “fakta” om dig I en berättelse. Använd samma fakta, men väv in och lägg till anledningar till varför och hur du blev den du är. Anledningarna kan vara sanna eller påhittade, eller en mix. Hur blev du den person du är? Vilka upplevelser formade dig? Hur var din barndom och din familj? Now take the same facts from Version 2 of your documentary and tell a story about how you came to be this way. Think about the things you just said about yourself, and explain to your partner how these things came to be. It can be true or made up, but absolutely plausible. This is a documentary, remember, not science fiction, so no attributing your habits to alien abductions. What are some very possible reasons for this person to be this way? What kind of family did they come from? What experiences did they have and how did they deal with them? Now turn to your partner and tell them the one-minute story about why you are the person you just described. DEBRIEF: The stories that you told- how hard did you have to think about it? Did the reasons come pretty easily? Are the stories pretty familiar? Partners, did you believe the stories? Seem possible, if not probable? Would you be satisfied with those reasons for why the person is the way they are? If you were asked to weave a story from those facts, might it be a very similar story to the one your partner told?

Dokumentärfilmen om dig - version 4 “Hur jag blev den jag är” Samma fakta, men NYA anledningar Hur blev du den person du är? Vilka upplevelser formade dig? Hur var din barndom och din familj? Väv in fakta till en helt annan berättelse om hur du blev du. Berättelserna kan vara sanna eller påhittade, men alltid tänkbart möjliga. Okay, last time. Take those exact same set of facts about you and weave them into a completely different story about how you came to be the person you just described. Your partner should be so familiar with these facts by now that they should be able to help you come up with new reasons! So for the first minute, both of you will come up with as many plausible reasons for you being the you you just described. Try to get as many plausible reasons as possible, even if they aren’t exactly true. As many ways to string the story together as possible. Then we’ll switch and both of you will come up with new stories for the other person. DEBRIEF: It’s amazing how easy it is for us to generate good, possible reasons about how we came to be the persons we are. In fact, some of you may have been surprised to find that these alternate stories could actually have been reasons you are who you are. Who knows? Did anyone find it hard? We’re so familiar with a certain story, a certain version of the facts and how they came to be, that it’s difficult to think about ourselves in a different kind of way. But could you do it? [If someone says no, ask the person to share a few of his facts and ask the group to generate new stories] Just like we’ve noticed in the past, our mind can generate endless reasons and weave lots of stories about how things came to be the way that they are. But is this the TRUTH?

Dokumentärfilmen om dig - sammanfattning The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I verkligheten serverar ditt medvetande dig en berättelse. Sant, men inte hela sanningen Scener är valda för att bekräfta berättelsen och skapa en sammanhängande (koherent) berättelse. Berättelsen är inte DU. We think that the information our minds give us about ourselves is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. In reality, your mind is telling you a story. The story is true, but it’s not the whole truth. Just like a documentary of Africa gives only parts of the big picture. Your mind selects certain scenes that keep the story it’s been telling all along true and to keep it making sense. Just like the filmmaker who is making a documentary about Africa as a war-torn nation is going to edit out scenes of children laughing and playing and people co-existing peacefully- not because they are untrue, but because they don’t fit in with the story he is telling. Lastly, the story you tell is not YOU. Just like a documentary of Africa is not Africa. Your story does a good job of portraying certain parts of you in vivid detail, but no how matter how good the story is, it’s just a story.

Problemet med berättelser Våra berättelser fokuserar vår uppmärksamhet på vad som är viktigt och relevant, sållar bland mycket information. Hur klipper hjärnan dokumentären för att få den att stämma? (tex. ångest bland andra människor?) Hur kommer det att påverka vilka scener som ditt medvetande väljer från ditt förflutna och vilka bilder ditt medvetande kommer att projicera på din tänkta framtid? Hur kommer det att påverka hur du agerar i dina framtida scener? The stories we tell about ourselves (or about anything!) help to focus our attention on information that is important or relevant. Our minds have a tough job--- narrowing down all that footage to a reasonable amount of information to take in---so it’s helpful to have something like a story to let us know what we need to pay attention to and what to ignore. The problem arises when you are not 100% satisfied with the story. What if the story is that you are anxious and awkward around other people? What kind of scenes is your mind going to select for the documentary? I bet your going to remember all the times you do things that are anxious and awkward. (The time you finally decided to speak up in class and forget what you meant to say and turned bright red and rambled on about nonsense for five minutes before the teacher finally put you out of your misery and asked you to sit down.) You also may forget or dismiss the times that you are NOT anxious around people. (The only reason I could go to the party is because my friends were there and I didn’t have to talk to any new people. ) The scenes of your future may even be biased by the story- like when you imagine the worst case scenario every time you think about situations that involve other people, or you worry that you are going to do exactly the same things you have done in past scenes. And all this selective noticing- how do you think that affects your behavior? These stories can push us around. If you’ve been listening to that story for most of your life, how do you think you’re going to act the next time you are around new people? Any chance you might avoid it all together? Or spend the whole time playing it safe, keeping quiet, sticking to familiar territory? Or let an opportunity for real human connection pass you by?

Berättelser hävdar att de förklarar vårt tidigare beteende Jag sov hela dagen Jag är en lat person Slutsats: Enda sättet att förändra din framtid är att förändra ditt förflutna (vilket såklart är omöjligt) Stories claim to explain our past behavior. We say things like: I got sweaty and my heart raced b/c I’m an anxious person I didn’t get out of bed b/c I am depressed or lazy I failed that test b/c I am stupid I worried for weeks b/c I’m not confident enough We come to see these things as literally true -Not just “I’m having the thought that…but I AM that” But there is a problem with that kind of reasoning. How do you know you’re that kind of person? Because of what you’ve done in the past. Why did you do what you did? Because you’re that kind of person. Can you see the problem here? The story can catch you in a feedback loop. You seem to lose the ability to change what you do because what you do is who you are and who you are is what you have done in the past! That means the only way to change your future is to get rid of or change your past! You are stuck!

Berättelser kan påverka vårt framtida beteende Berättelser som orsak till att göra saker Jag är en lycklig och framgångsrik människa (jag måste låtsas att allt är toppen fast det inte är det) Berättelser som orsak till att vi INTE gör saker Den personen skulle aldrig gilla mig, jag är inte tillräckligt snygg. (stannar hemma, talar inte med personen) Jag kan inte bli psykolog, jag är inte tillräckligt smart (skriver inte högskoleprov, läser upp betyg eller undersöker andra vägar) And that is how stories come to influence our future behavior. They seem to be the reason (cause) for our future behavior: I’m a loyal friend. I won’t say anything to my friend, even though what she is doing really upsets me. I’m the life of the party. I have to act like everything is fine even though it’s really not. The story also seems to justify why we don’t do things we may want to do: That person would never like me b/c I’m not attractive. (I won’t approach or talk to them.) I can’t be a doctor b/c I’m not smart enough. (I won’t take bio classes, won’t apply to med school.) Labels are seen as causes and therefore our behavior seems predetermined, we have no choice or no power to make the changes we really want. “I have to do this because I’m that kind of person.” When you are really tangled up in your story, you may notice a sense of constriction, or heaviness: all of these ‘have to’s, ‘shoulds’, and ‘can’ts’ can be a terrible burden to carry.

Ditt observerande jag (här skulle man kunna ha JoAnnes övning I radikal acceptans, finns på min Iphone?) But there is a way to break free from the can’ts and shoulds and have-tos. Maybe there is more to you than just the selected scenes and familiar stories your mind gives you. Let’s do one more eyes-closed exercise and see if we can find THAT person. Observer Part 3: Get in touch with a stable sense of self over time and across situations Do an abbreviated observer, highlighting three brief memories (e.g. little kid/before entering school; junior high, last year) . You can skip the beginning part (about private experiences) and head straight for the memories. Spend only a minute or two inside each. The purpose this time is to notice the sense of a constant, stable, unchanging, always-present YOU. **Let Boo know if you need a copy of this from the 99 book.** DEBRIEF Don’t spend much time interpreting or explaining the exercise- the next couple slides take care of that. Also avoid content of memories. Try to get them to describe the experience of self as constant perspective. Encourage metaphors and acknowledge that it is hard to put that experience into words. Acknowledge the fleeting nature of SAC, the difficulty putting it into words (another place language falls short!), the sense of connecting with/not creating this sense, there for you whenever/wherever. Example: So I’m not going to ask you to tell us about the memories you picked. I’m more interested in hearing what it was like to revisit these memories and become aware that there is a you that has been there all along. Were people able to connect with that sense of you? It’s a hard thing to put into words, but is anyone willing to try?

Fördelarna med att vara DU Du är det enda som varit detsamm agenom hela ditt liv. Du behöver inte förändra ditt JAG Du kan förändra vad du gör, oberoende vilka berättelser om vem du är som du har trott på eller följt. Benefits of Contacting Observer Self You have been there since you were born and will be there until you die. Even though your body has grown and changed, your behaviors and habits have changed, your thoughts and emotions have come and gone, even your beliefs and opinions have shifted, you have been you throughout. You are not these things, but the witness of these things. The container of these things. Even if you aren’t always aware of this sense of yourself, even if you have never noticed it before, you have always been and will always be there. That means that YOU don’t need to change in order for your life to change in big or subtle ways. We are not our thoughts, our memories, our feelings, our beliefs. We are not even the stories we tell about ourselves. It’s not as if these things are not important in any way, that your history is not important, of course it is. But none of these things have to change in order for us to move in our chosen direction. You don’t have to change your past in order to change your future. You don’t even have to know which version of you you want to be the ‘right’ one or how the story is going to turn out! All you need is a sense of direction and the flexibility, awareness (noticing) and willingness to make bold moves. That is what we have been practicing in class these past five weeks, and now we’re going to put it into practice in the other areas of your life.

Att skriva nästa scen Tänk på din roll I dokumentärfilmen om dig själv. För att vara den person som du vill vara, vilka modiga steg skulle du behöva ta? Hur skulle du kunna ta ett steg I den riktningen den här veckan? Think about where you want to go from here. Is there anything that you would like to do that you haven’t because of these labels? Anything that you wish you didn’t do but you do anyways because you are a person who …? What are you avoiding because of this? What are you missing out on? What would you do if these weren’t true? If you didn’t live under that label? IF these things weren’t true with a capital T, but half-truths? If you weren’t limited by your history, your story about yourself, or any troublesome passengers, what kind of person do you want to be? And if you were to BE that person, what is one thing you would do in the next week? Pick something that is just outside your comfort zone. Not something you can do easily, but something that will be a bit of struggle. Not something impossible either. A medium sized step in the direction you want to go. If you were the person you want to be, what is one thing you would do next week that the YOU you believe yourself to be today would not do?